“The best victory is when the opponent surrenders of its own accord before there are any actual hostilities … . It is best to win without fighting.”- Sun-tzu (~400 BC) Chinese general & military strategist on how best to achieve a surrender
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When have you chosen not to fight and surrendered to a situation, place or thing, lately?
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Jamie Foxx ft. Justin Timberlake-Winner (4:15)
The Art of War – Sun Tzu (2:30)
Analysis of the Art of Becoming A Winner Without Causing Others to Feel Like They Lost
Today’s SFZ centers on the powerful theme of surrender—particularly how letting go can lead to deeper intimacy, emotional unity, and personal transformation. The passage from Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes links common life struggles such as control, trust, and dependency to sexual dissatisfaction. Carnes argues that difficulty in surrendering emotionally or psychologically can directly diminish the quality of our sexual experiences. This echoes the insights of psychoanalyst Carl Jung, who maintained that unresolved internal conflicts often manifest in our most intimate relationships. If we hold too tightly to control, we resist vulnerability, which limits our capacity for authentic connection.
The second passage from It Works: How & Why expands this idea beyond sexuality into the broader spiritual and relational context of recovery. Here, surrender is not defeat but a conscious choice to release ego-driven desires and align with a Higher Power. This approach fosters collaboration and inner peace. Psychologist Richard Rohr, in his work on the spiritual journey, emphasizes that surrender is a sacred act—one that opens us to grace and transformation by acknowledging our limitations and letting something greater guide us.
Finally, Sun-Tzu’s ancient wisdom reinforces the strategic value of surrender. Victory, he suggests, lies not in domination but in diffusing conflict before it escalates. In the emotional and spiritual realms, this means choosing peace over resistance.
Together, these perspectives remind us that surrender—often misunderstood as weakness—can in fact be the gateway to deeper connection, unity, and personal victory. By relinquishing control, we make space for trust, intimacy, and growth.
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