Immense Healing Begins when We Heal the One We Harmed the Most

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CONDUCTED IN “A SPIRIT OF SELF-LOVE & HEALING” – “Usually there is one person whom we have inflicted the greatest damage – ourselves.” “So … most of us need to write our own name.” “… [U]ntil we can take this Step in a spirit of self-love and healing, we may not be ready for it.” (How Al Anon Works, pp. 58- 59 on being harmed)

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In what ways have you caused ‘self-inflicted wounds’, lately?

Why is it important to forgive ourselves before we try to help or lead others?

What Does the Fox Say – Dear Ryan (2:28)

Quotes from the novel -Tuesdays w/ Morrie (3:40)

The Indigenous People of America (41:18)

In what ways have you caused ‘self-inflicted wounds’, lately?

Analysis of “Immense Healing Begins When We Heal the One We Harmed the Most”

In today’s SFZ, healing often begins by facing a hard truth: we hurt ourselves the most. As How Al-Anon Works suggests, self-inflicted harm can be deep and lasting. The text urges us to write our own name on the amends list, recognizing that recovery requires self-love and compassion. Brené Brown supports this view, stating that vulnerability is necessary for healing. Healing demands honesty and courage—not shame.

The It Works, How & Why text discusses how addicts often misunderstand the harm they cause themselves. Some deny all blame; others take on too much. This confusion fuels shame. Talking with others in recovery can reveal the truth, offering clarity. Carl Jung, a pioneer in psychology, argued that shadow work—facing parts of ourselves we hide—leads to wholeness. Recovery mirrors this work.

Mitch Albom poetically warns that anger and hate poison us. The idea echoes Buddhist philosophy: holding onto pain only increases suffering. Forgiveness is freedom.

The questions of power and leadership arise in recovery, too. The Big Book asks who runs A.A., highlighting its unique structure. Overeaters Anonymous provides the answer: no one person leads. Instead, a Higher Power guides. This reflects Lao Tzu’s teaching that true leaders lead without control.

John Quincy Adams said true leadership inspires others. This aligns with recovery principles: lead by healing, not authority.

The message is clear, at its heart: healing begins when we forgive ourselves and walk in love, not fear.

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Comments

7 responses to “Immense Healing Begins when We Heal the One We Harmed the Most”

June 1, 2025

Zen

It is important to forgive ourselves before we try and help others because we need to be free of negative beliefs and attitudes we may hold against ourselves before we attempt to help the world.

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May 31, 2025

Elexi W.S.A.

Definitely for a good time sometimes I would put that first before my own safety when in active using, but I’m working on the me, and that helps me to be even more forgiving to me, that I’m at least trying to get better. Seeing like people be successful helps me to know even more there’s always a better good time. I helped others get high in my Codependency. I did like that I would stay with them, and want them to at least be okay. The good qualities I possess helps me to be forgiving, and knowing there’s change that can occur gives me some good outlooks in forgiveness.

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May 31, 2025

Sabrina J

It becomes easy to take on any and all problems by my own so that I don’t have to deal with the pain I feel daily. Admitting self responsibility for the way things are can be a big pain point Yet, I also know through experience that doing so is the most liberating feeling. Owning up, claiming it, forgiving it and moving forward. That is a blessing and place of great healing.

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May 31, 2025

E-dawg

For years I’ve been unable to forgive myself for putting my family through so much pain as a result of my disease. My mother used to tell me that she felt better every time I ended up in jail or in a treatment center because she knew I was off the streets and safe. When I did my last fourth step I put my name on the resentment list as well as writing my name down on the eighth step. It’s very important for me to be able to forgive myself.

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December 1, 2011

Slim Jim

For me, I think I’ve been in closet in family gatherings and at work. That’s a huge disservice to me and gives those that would bully me fuel. That’s something I’m actively addressing now in all areas of my life.

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November 30, 2011

easy does it

I can relate with Margot, not thinking good things can come to me. whether its love, material things, or a good career, deep down I think for some reason I dont deserve them.. I guess I will figure that out when I go over this step with my sponsor.

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November 30, 2011

Margot E.

Whoa! Making amends to myself (and everyone else) requires seeing and acknowledging the harm I have done. I do not come to this Step unscathed, but only some of the self-harm is apparent. I know I neglected my physical self but the emotional and spiritual harm are far deeper issues. Good and wonderful things have happened in my life and they have gone unacknowledged as I lived in fear of an offsetting bad thing that must balance it. Surely, I felt, good things cannot come to such an unworthy person as myself.

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