The One Thing that’s Even more Important than Being Loved – Step 3

Written by

Bodhi Baba

Step 3, Zonr Posts

How have you demonstrated love with no strings attached, lately?

“The important thing was to love rather than to be loved.”

– W. Somerset Maugham (1874 – 1965)

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How have you demonstrated love with no strings attached lately?

Why do you think loving others without expecting anything back can help people feel safe and connected?

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I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston (4:34)

W Somerset Maugham’s 140th Birthday (10:17)

Fragments of Love Meditation (7:04)

Today’s SFZ dives deep into spiritual truth: giving love freely is more important than receiving it. This echoes a powerful idea from W. Somerset Maugham, who wrote, “The important thing was to love rather than to be loved.” This reflects a major shift in thinking—from needing love to giving it unconditionally.

Al-Anon literature reinforces this idea. It reminds us that mutual support arises from a shared struggle. People come together, not to demand love, but to offer it without expectation. This kind of love—free of conditions or strings—creates trust and safety. When love is given freely, people want to return and stay connected.

The Big Book, a foundational text of Alcoholics Anonymous, emphasizes putting this love into action. It’s not enough to feel love; we must live it daily. That means watching for selfishness, fear, and dishonesty—and replacing them with love and tolerance. Bill Wilson, AA’s co-founder, taught that this ongoing effort opens the door to spiritual life.

Psychologist Erich Fromm also spoke of love as an active choice. In The Art of Loving, he wrote that real love involves care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. It’s a skill we must practice, not something we passively receive.

Brené Brown, a modern researcher on connection and vulnerability, teaches that loving others without conditions helps us build real belonging. We don’t need to earn love—we simply show up and give it.

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Comments

5 responses to “The One Thing that’s Even more Important than Being Loved – Step 3”

June 4, 2025

E-dawg

The one who gives with love without expecting anything in return is the one who benefits the most

Reply
June 2, 2025

Sabrina J

“Love is not love which alters, when it alteration finds”
Shakespeare

There are many forms of love, yet only one pure love which is unconditional. To love with no expectation, is a reflection of my higher power’s love. To freely give with out the need for reciprocation or demand, no alteration,just pure giving love. It is a precious gift to give. It is the love that I receive from my higher power for which I am grateful.

Reply
September 3, 2012

Adam

Every time I am of service I think that is love with no strings attached. Every time I practice the 7th tradition, especially generously, I’m practicing love with no strings attached. A couple weeks ago I hugged a person at a meeting that clearly hadn’t bathed in a VERY long time. There were definitely no strings there and my mind was screaming to run the other way.

Reply
June 4, 2012

JB jr.

This weekend at Big Gay Sunday, felt like love with no strings attached. People sharing food they brought and being kind to one another was happening all over the place.

Reply
June 3, 2012

Margot E.

One large part of my recovery is honestly accepting responsibility for decisions I have made in the past. As a child I thought I had no choice but to blindly follow and accept everything my religion taught me; when I got older I could no longer abide by the teaching of my church so I left the church and did not find spirituality for many years. Today I am learning to let go and let God – as Langston Hughes wrote, “In an envelope marked personal, God wrote me a letter; in a letter marked personal, I responded.”

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