From Adam — “Self-love for me is when I’m doing something that I know is healthy for me, spiritually, mentally, or physically. Sometimes my self-will has taken control and I’m doing something to satisfy my ego, such as buying a $100 shirt, trying to manipulate, or otherwise, acquire something to satisfy my immediate wants. This is sometimes at the sacrifice of my own long term health and happiness. I guess I end up often having to ask myself what is my motivation when a situation doesn’t feel 100% like the right thing to do. I still don’t always make the best decisions, but I do more often as time goes on.” (on self-will run riot)
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How do you distinguish the difference between acting with self-love in mind and actions where ‘self-will run riot’?
OR
Why is it harmful to try to make others live the way we want them to?
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Oscar Wilde on Trial – The love that dare not speak its name (3:25)
Animal – Miike Snow (3:34)
10 Tips to Building Good Self-Esteem (24:03)
SELF LOVE While you Sleep (2:01:04)
Today’s SFZ centers on the destructive nature of selfishness, especially when we try to control others. The idea of “self-will run riot” from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous shows how insisting that others live by our rules creates chaos. Bill Wilson, co-founder of AA, taught that our problems often come from within, not from others. When we act selfishly, we lose perspective. We believe we know best, even when our actions harm ourselves and others. Wilson argued that selfishness must be removed, or it can destroy us.
The Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text continues this thought. It describes how character defects like selfishness cloud our thinking. These flaws lead to repeated mistakes and painful patterns. When we cling to our way, we wear a kind of “designer straight jacket.” It looks unique but still traps us. Dr. Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, would agree. He taught that irrational beliefs, like needing to control others, lead to suffering. Letting go of those beliefs opens the door to healthier thinking.
Oscar Wilde’s quote adds another layer. He says real selfishness is not just doing what we want—it’s forcing others to meet our standards. This type of control damages relationships and stunts growth. Brené Brown also reminds us that true connection requires humility and vulnerability, not domination.
To heal, we must surrender the illusion of control. We can choose service over selfishness. Only then do we begin to live freely.
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