“We Lie the Loudest When We … ” – Step 4

A gold his wearing a fake shark fin harness leads its babies under water w/ sfz title

“We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.”

– Eric Hoffer (1902 – 1983) U.S. writer / philosopher

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What are some of the loudest ways you tell lies to yourself, lately?

OR

What happens when we get brave enough to tell ourselves the whole truth?

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Love the Way You Lie Eminem Ft. Rhianna (4:27)

Creative Quotations from Eric Hoffer (1:18)

English Analysis

We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves. Eric Hoffer’s words echo throughout the recovery journey. The Big Book insists on “rigorous honesty” as its core principle. Carl Jung believed self-deception destroys wholeness. Jung’s shadow self warns that secrets breed sickness. Likewise, Brené Brown shows in Daring Greatly that vulnerability opens us to truth.

The Big Book notes that many fail because they stay dishonest. They fear their truths. They cling to illusions rather than face pain. In It Works: How and Why, addicts must admit they have lied for years. The path demands they stop lying to themselves. Honest self-inquiry becomes medicine for the soul.

When Hoffer writes, “We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves,” he means self-lies echo. They build shame. They block connection. Jung would say that truth embraces the shadow. Brown would argue that shame dies in the light.

Recovery asks us to tell truth with rigor. Step Four calls for a moral inventory. It strips illusions. We see how lies grow into destruction. When we admit them, we recover. Honesty transforms the broken spirit. It frees us from secrets. It demands we stand naked before ourselves.

The wisdom shared in today’s SFZ offers a path to freedom. Honesty promotes roots growth. Deception weakens it. If we want escape the darkness and perdition, we must choose truth.



Traducción al español:

Mentimos más fuerte cuando nos mentimos a nosotros mismos.

LA HONESTIDAD RIGUROSA es cómo funciona.

Aquellos que no se recuperan son personas que no pueden o no quieren entregarse completamente a este programa simple, generalmente hombres y mujeres que son constitucionalmente incapaces de ser honestos consigo mismos. (El Libro Grande, p. 58)

Nuestros años de vivir una mentira

La aceptación honesta de nuestra adicción, que traemos desde el Paso Uno, nos ayudará a ser honestos sobre otros aspectos de nuestra adicción. La honestidad es una parte esencial de este paso. Nuestros años de vivir una mentira deben terminar. (Funciona: Cómo y Por Qué, p. 27)


Análisis en español:

Mentirnos a nosotros mismos destruye nuestro progreso. Eric Hoffer nos recuerda que el autoengaño resuena con fuerza. El Libro Grande exige honestidad rigurosa como base. Carl Jung afirmó que el engaño interior corrompe la integridad. Para Jung, la sombra se alimenta de secretos. Brené Brown, en Daring Greatly, enseña que la vulnerabilidad es el remedio.

Muchos fallan porque temen la verdad. Prefieren mentiras cómodas a dolorosas realidades. Funciona: Cómo y Por Qué muestra que debemos dejar atrás años de mentiras. La autoaceptación honesta es medicina para el alma. Hoffer señala que las mentiras internas generan vergüenza y aislamiento. Jung creería que la verdad abraza la sombra. Brown diría que la vergüenza muere bajo la luz.

La recuperación exige inventario moral y confesión. Rompe las ilusiones. Al admitir nuestras mentiras, sanamos. La honestidad transforma y libera. Si buscamos integridad, debemos elegir la verdad.

¿Por qué crees que decir la verdad nos hace sentir mejor?nte valientes para decirnos toda la verdad?

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Comments

9 responses to ““We Lie the Loudest When We … ” – Step 4”

  1. Eli🌱🫶🏾🫡🪱 Avatar
    Eli🌱🫶🏾🫡🪱

    Airing my shame is reliving. I can’t help but see how parallel this is to Christian confessionals. Hopefully without the shaming, but I digress. Guilt serves an often positive social purpose, but shame is internalized and painful. I’ve found that since coming out, there’s very little I’m ashamed of. I’m ashamed of much of the material & emotional harm I’ve caused, but talking about it makes it much lighter.

  2. Elexi W.S.A. Avatar

    Some of the loudest ways I’ve told lies to me are by not fully realizing the depth of aftermath of unstable thought patterns that can arise even more than they were if I choose to go through with something that can have possible repercussions.

  3. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    I was talking about this yesterday with my therapist. This is a program of rigorous honesty. And not me to you, to myself. As I gain clarity from being clean and I gain more self-awareness so to do I become more honest. When I practice rigorous honest in every aspect of my life, I am closer to my higher power and therefore less capable of sabotaging my life by using.

  4. TRae Avatar
    TRae

    Pride and Ego are sometimes a struggle for me. Must remind myself that a small permission will lead to relapse. Is essential to be truthful especially with myself.

  5. Simon Yebio Avatar
    Simon Yebio

    Having issues on a new job, when I think/feel one side is overwhelming in the wrong; “not me” I start further and further away from the potential of seeing my part. Though might be very small, still there is a blind spot

  6. Bodhi Baba Avatar
    Bodhi Baba

    I have been reticent to ask for what I really want and then take measures to achieve those goals, but no more.

  7. Adam Avatar
    Adam

    I can’t think of any lies that I tell myself. Maybe I’m not looking deep enough. But I sincerely and thoughtfully to try to check myself on a regular basis to make sure. Especially when I’m making a decision that is counter to what my sponsor is telling me to do or that seems different than what I should be doing. I need to make sure my motivations are not concocted or I’m not bending the truth.

  8. Adam Avatar
    Adam

    I’m too different from other alcoholics. Not drinking doesn’t bother me. I can handle it all on my own.

  9. Margot E. Avatar
    Margot E.

    For me, I have learned the importance of learning more about all aspects of 12-Step programs: literature, meetings, sponsorship, service, traditions, slogans, and the awful, awful, phone list. I lie to myself when I take a phone list and then refuse to call when I need help. Maybe the fact that I have seldom had help in the past makes me forget that I can now reach out and get the help I need. Maybe that “False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR)” is about the lies about myself that I believe.

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