How to Ease Tensions btwn Friends when They Rise to a Fever Pitch – Step 6

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“It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.”– Al Franken (1951 –   ) U.S. Senator / satirist twins

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What type of self-care have you practiced lately, when the going gets tough?

OR

How can you make peace with a friend without trying to control everything around them?

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English Analysis

Conflict between friends often mirrors the dynamics of families under stress. The Big Book notes that alcoholism disrupts entire households, not just the drinker. William James, in The Varieties of Religious Experience, argued that suffering spreads across relationships. He recognized how inner turmoil becomes shared illness within communities. This insight shows why conflict between friends often feels heavier than the immediate issue.

The second quote from IP No. 13, Youth and Recovery stresses personal responsibility. Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, observed that freedom lies in choosing responses to hardship. We cannot force others to change, but we can direct our own growth. By shifting focus inward, we release unrealistic expectations of others. This shift reduces tension and nurtures healthier connections.

Al Franken’s metaphor of slippers highlights perspective. Instead of controlling every problem, we can protect ourselves with new approaches. Hannah Arendt, in The Human Condition, explained that action requires imagination as much as power. By reframing problems, we create solutions that preserve dignity. Small internal adjustments can transform large external conflicts.

Therefore, easing tensions requires perspective, responsibility, and recognition of shared struggle. We honor the pain of others without abandoning our agency. Friendship survives when we treat conflict as opportunity for growth, not as grounds for division.


Traducción Española

Citas

“Vivir años
con un alcohólico casi
seguro vuelve neurótica
a la esposa o al hijo.
Toda la familia está, en
cierto grado, enferma.” (The Big Book, p. 122)

“La adicción es una
enfermedad familiar, pero
solo podíamos cambiar
a nosotros mismos.” (IP No. 13, Youth and Recovery)

“Es más fácil
ponerse unas sandalias que
alfombrar todo el mundo.”
– Al Franken (1951– ),
Senador estadounidense / satírico


Análisis

El conflicto entre amigos a menudo refleja las dinámicas familiares bajo presión. The Big Book señala que el alcoholismo afecta a todo el hogar, no solo al bebedor. William James, en The Varieties of Religious Experience, mostró cómo el sufrimiento se comparte en las relaciones. Esto explica por qué las peleas entre amigos parecen más pesadas que el problema inmediato.

La segunda cita de IP No. 13, Youth and Recovery subraya la responsabilidad personal. Viktor Frankl, en Man’s Search for Meaning, observó que la libertad radica en elegir respuestas al dolor. No podemos obligar a otros a cambiar, pero sí dirigir nuestro crecimiento. Al enfocarnos en nosotros mismos, liberamos expectativas poco realistas hacia los demás. Este cambio reduce tensiones y fortalece los lazos.

La metáfora de Franken sobre las sandalias resalta la perspectiva. En lugar de controlar todo, podemos protegernos con enfoques nuevos. Hannah Arendt, en The Human Condition, explicó que la acción requiere imaginación tanto como poder. Al replantear los problemas, creamos soluciones que preservan la dignidad. Ajustes internos pequeños pueden transformar conflictos externos grandes.

Por lo tanto, aliviar tensiones requiere perspectiva, responsabilidad y reconocimiento del sufrimiento compartido. Honramos el dolor de los demás sin abandonar nuestra agencia. La amistad sobrevive cuando tratamos el conflicto como una oportunidad de crecimiento.

Pregunta: ¿Cómo puedes hacer las paces con un amigo sin intentar controlar todo a su alrededor?

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Comments

8 responses to “How to Ease Tensions btwn Friends when They Rise to a Fever Pitch – Step 6”

  1. Ari L Avatar
    Ari L

    My best tactic is trying to keep my side of the street clean. That being said, I do make mistakes and also have had my own boundaries crossed. In the former situation I do my best to own up to my part as sincerely as I can. For the former, it’s important to be assertive about our own needs. It’s hard to balance being assertive and being heard but I think it’s well worth it and it also sets an important precedent within the friendship to do the same.

  2. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    Going to meetings, working with my therapist and group therapy and willing to back away from anything that harshes my mello. Using the tools that are available to me to help see past any Skitoma. There are things that for whatever reason I am blind to. Having resources mentioned above to help me see past them is critical to recovery.

    Thank you for sharing recovery with me. Grateful

  3. E-Dawg Avatar
    E-Dawg

    The most important thing is not to let it escalate into a fevered pitch…
    On page 66 in the big book It quotes, if we were to live we had to be free of anger. The Grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholic these things are poison…
    Anger is a highly destructive emotion that I cannot afford in my life…

  4. Elexi W.S.A. Avatar

    I can make peace with someone without trying to control everythang around them by bein’ understandin’, and usin’ terms that don’t elevate the situation. Sometimes I’ve felt sickly belittled by people, and that’s such a pet peeve, but sometimes if I can’t alleviate the situation at hand I pretend they’re not there. I’ve also started lookin’ for interventions from others when problems need extra resolve. I’m really glad about overcoming a lot of tensions lately, and spendin’ a lot of quality time alone where I’m even tryin’ to keep peace within.

  5. Adam Avatar
    Adam

    I try to run 4 times per week which really clears my head. Watching what I eat and how much caffeine I consume helps my mental outlook a lot. This new year I will be incorporating daily meditation and yoga throughout the week. For me, to keep my mind in a steady calm and generally happy state, I have to focus on diet, meditation, exercise, and taking care of my personal business. It all needs to be in balance.

  6. Margot E. Avatar
    Margot E.

    “It is easier to put on slippers than to carpet the rest of the world.” How often I wish the world would reconfigure itself to my complete satisfaction. And then I get mad when I perceive that others are doing the same. Life on life’s terms – whether I like them or not.

  7. Slim Jim Avatar
    Slim Jim

    Lol. Ya. That’s a very graphic reason why letting people rent room in our heads is not the best idea. Nowadays I get busy doing something like this which helps me shift gears.

  8. Easy does it Avatar
    Easy does it

    Here the saying comes to mind… Resentment us like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It eats MY insides not theirs.

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