“Should other Friendships be Forgot … ” – Step 4

TV's Lucy and Ethel in evening gowns signing w/ sfz title

“Aristotle considers friendships to be a necessity to live. He claims that no individual would choose to live without friends even if the individual had all of the other good things in life.” (anonymous author)

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How have you strengthened your own friendships, lately?

 OR

How can I be a better friend today?

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The Friendship Skit – I Love Lucy (2:04) *

WHAT IS A FRIEND  (0:59) 

Into Africa Nature LP Meditation  (31:24)

 

 English Analysis

Friendship shapes our sense of self. It Works, How & Why reminds us to examine all relationships, especially platonic ones. We must not neglect these bonds in favor of romantic ones. Aristotle, in Nicomachean Ethics, called friendship a mirror of the soul. He knew real friendship demands honest self-reflection.

Samuel Johnson’s quote warns that friendships need constant repair. Johnson echoes Aristotle’s idea that virtue sustains true bonds. In the 12 & 12, the “selfish pit” shows how ego corrupts connection. If we dominate or cling, we lose balance.

Erich Fromm, in The Art of Loving, argues that mature love rejects domination and dependency. Healthy friendship asks us to stand equal. Johnson, Fromm, and Aristotle agree: we must nurture friendships as living entities. Friendships fail if we forget they require care.

We must ask: do we write our own inventories with courage? Do we face where we overdepend or control? The “selfish pit” warns us of ruin if we refuse growth.

These quotes together urge an inventory of friendship as vital work. Friendships forgotten decay; friendships tended flourish. We must act daily to renew these ties. Recovery invites us to share honestly and listen well.

In the end, our friendships reflect our deepest values. We shape them through humility and commitment. Johnson’s call rings clear: repair your friendships or face loneliness. Fromm’s wisdom reminds us: love is an art we practice. Can we choose growth over fear?

SFZ Quotes Translated to Spanish

“¿Deben olvidarse otras amistades…?” – Paso 4

“…LAS NUESTRAS AÚN SERÁN BUSCADAS” –

“Escribir sobre todas
nuestras relaciones
es muy importante, y
querremos prestar especial
atención a nuestras amistades.
Si pasamos por alto el examen de
nuestras amistades platónicas para
enfocarnos en relaciones románticas,
nuestros inventarios estarán incompletos.”
(Funciona, Cómo y Por Qué, p. 31)

EL FOSO EGOÍSTA –

“… es de nuestras
relaciones torcidas con
la familia, amigos y la
sociedad en general de donde muchos
de nosotros hemos sufrido más.
Nuestra egomanía cava dos fosos
desastrosos. O insistimos
en dominar a las personas
que conocemos, o dependemos
de ellas demasiado.”
(12 y 12, p. 53)

“Si un hombre no hace
nuevas amistades a medida que
avanza en la vida, pronto
se encontrará solo.
Un hombre debe mantener
sus amistades en
constante reparación.”

Samuel Johnson (1709 – 1784),
ícono literario inglés

Translated Analysis in Spanish

La amistad moldea nuestro sentido del yo. Funciona, Cómo y Por Qué nos recuerda examinar todas las relaciones, especialmente las platónicas. No debemos descuidar estos lazos por centrarnos solo en lo romántico. Aristóteles, en Ética Nicomáquea, llamó a la amistad un espejo del alma. Sabía que la verdadera amistad exige reflexión honesta. La cita de Samuel Johnson advierte que la amistad necesita reparación constante.

Johnson refleja la idea de Aristóteles: la virtud sostiene vínculos genuinos. En 12 y 12, el “foso egoísta” muestra cómo el ego corrompe la conexión. Si dominamos o dependemos demasiado, perdemos equilibrio. Erich Fromm, en El arte de amar, argumenta que el amor maduro rechaza la dominación y la dependencia. La amistad sana pide igualdad entre amigos.

Johnson, Fromm y Aristóteles coinciden: debemos cuidar la amistad como algo vivo. Las amistades fracasan si olvidamos que requieren cuidado. ¿Escribimos nuestros inventarios con valentía? ¿Afrontamos dónde dependemos o controlamos? El “foso egoísta” nos advierte del desastre si rechazamos crecer. Estas citas juntas nos urgen a inventariar la amistad como trabajo vital. Las amistades olvidadas se marchitan; las atendidas florecen. Debemos actuar cada día para renovar estos lazos. La recuperación nos invita a compartir honestamente y escuchar bien.

Al final, nuestras amistades reflejan nuestros valores más profundos. Las moldeamos con humildad y compromiso. El llamado de Johnson es claro: repara tus amistades o enfrenta la soledad. La sabiduría de Fromm nos recuerda: amar es un arte que se practica. ¿Podemos elegir crecer en lugar de temer?

Pregunta: ¿Cómo puedo ser un mejor amigo hoy?

Zonr pod on Friendships

Comments

14 responses to ““Should other Friendships be Forgot … ” – Step 4”

  1. Eli🌱🫶🏾🫡🪱 Avatar
    Eli🌱🫶🏾🫡🪱

    Checking in with friends frequently has been a firming way to build connection. We hold each other accountable.

  2. Ari L Avatar
    Ari L

    I don’t have too many friends, but I’ve been trying to make time to sit down and get to know those I do have better by learning the things they like and dislike. That way, I could be reminded of them when I see/hear things in their realms of interest for example, and have been able to expand my mind that way

  3. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    This is a challenge for me today that I am working on. Most of my friendships here in SoCal are based on going somewhere, and I am not mobile. I do stay on contact with friends remotely. I worry about tiring out my friends with the repetitive strain of my recent world. However, they have remained in my corner and I am grateful. It is hard to want to reach out when everything feels very negative. Those are my issues, and not theirs.

  4. E-Dawg Avatar
    E-Dawg

    One of our liabilities that we write about in step four is loneliness. Once we’re in the process of the inventory we learn how to deal with these liabilities. I started enjoying being in recovery when I first did the steps the stress was released writing lifted off the pressure and I started opening up at meetings and met some really good people and bonded some really good friendships to this day

  5. Tony o Avatar
    Tony o

    It’s a skill that takes time to learn and practice. I hope to reciprocate as much as possible.

  6. Simon Yebio Avatar
    Simon Yebio

    Perfect timing. I’ve been aware of personal relationships recently and have decided to make a priority to cultavate them. Loved the reading

  7. Bohdi Baba Avatar

    Keeping my friendships in ‘constant repair’ is vital. It’s also really rewarding. One thing I need to do is immediately be aware when I make mistakes and then swiftly make amends, which acts like an anti-bacterial ointment while the wound is fresh. It stings us both at first. But also clears away resentments before the ugly scabs start to set in.

  8. Br. Buddha Avatar
    Br. Buddha

    Good morning everyone + happy Friday. Here is today’s thought. Relationships. Some are big + some are small, but all are important. We are meant to be in relationships + not to be loners. When we are in relationships, we share our talents + our needs + we draw forth from each other the best we have to offer + to share. God bless us in all our relationships. Blessings. BB

  9. Jon G. Avatar
    Jon G.

    I would say that I do not depend on my friends enough. I either have difficulty asking for help and/or I do not want to burden or bother anyone. Often times I remind myself that I feel good when I help others and who am I to deny someone else the opportunity to feel good about themselves by being of service to me. Like so many other areas of my life I am probably being to self critical and compared to others I probably score pretty good in the “asking for help” department from others. I also need to remember that the only thing that most of my friends want in return for their help is my willingness to extend help to others when the time is right. I believe that is how this works and how it was intended–we pay it forward.

  10. Adam Avatar
    Adam

    I focus on friendships where I feel equal with them. Meaning they depend on me as much as I them. Emotionally and otherwise. And invest a lot in my friendships so therefore have a lot of great ones. I quickly feel uncomfortable if I haven’t spent time with certain people in a while. Friendships take investment. I can’t say that any of my friendships are unhealthy in any way. All is good.

  11. Margot E. Avatar
    Margot E.

    I was at the airport the other day waiting for the bus to take me back to Union Station. I watched as others hugged friends and family and were driven home by them. I realized in that moment that I have no friends and have chosen to live this life isolated. Contrary action led me to invite an acquaintance in program to have lunch this week. It felt scary asking, but it felt good when she accepted.

  12. Adam Avatar
    Adam

    I have a lot of really great friendships but I realize overall that sometimes they are such that I don’t listen to them enough as I’m too self-absorbed. Something I need to work on. Nothing specific and recent comes to mind though.

  13. Jb jr. Avatar
    Jb jr.

    Working on friendships is something I keep neglecting. its so much easier for me to just isolate.;

  14. Margot E. Avatar
    Margot E.

    Bill W. said this is a disease of relationships. I must take a sponsor and trust that individual when I have been unable to trust others in the past. I must share this program of recovery with others, become a sponsor when I have not trusted myself in the past. Steps 1, 2, and 3 have taught me I am not hopeless, I have a loving and caring Higher Power. If my Higher Power has not given up on me, then who am I to give up on myself?

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