“Change, even wonderful, positive change, almost always involves some grief for the old ways of life we are letting go, even if that way of life kept us miserable.” (Al Anon Works, How & Why, p. 88)
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Where have you demonstrated the willingness for change in your life, lately?
Man in the Mirror (Micheal Jackson) (5:02)
How to Make the Secret Work for YOU (7:21)
Aakhan Jor by Kaur – the Great Surrender Meditation (7:25)
Self-Portrait in a Convex Mirror
by John Ashbery
As Parmigianino did it, the right hand
Bigger than the head, thrust at the viewer
And swerving easily away, as though to protect
What it advertises.
A few leaded panes, old beams,
Fur, pleated muslin, a coral ring run together
In a movement supporting the face, which swims
Toward and away like the hand
Except that it is in repose.
It is what is
Sequestered.
Vasari says, “Francesco one day set himself
To take his own portrait, looking at himself from that purpose
In a convex mirror, such as is used by barbers.
….
He accordingly caused a ball of wood to be made
By a turner, and having divided it in half and
Brought it to the size of the mirror, he set himself
With great art to copy all that he saw in the glass,”
Chiefly his reflection, of which the portrait
Is the reflection, of which the portrait
Is the reflection once removed.
The glass chose to reflect only what he saw
Which was enough for his purpose: his image
Glazed, embalmed, projected at a 180-degree angle.
The time of day or the density of the light
Adhering to the face keeps it
Lively and intact in a recurring wave
Of arrival.
The soul establishes itself.
But how far can it swim out through the eyes
And still return safely to its nest? The surface
Of the mirror being convex, the distance increases
Significantly; that is, enough to make the point
That the soul is a captive, treated humanely, kept
In suspension, unable to advance much farther
Than your look as it intercepts the picture.
Pope Clement and his court were “stupefied”
By it, according to Vasari, and promised a commission
That never materialized.
The soul has to stay where it is,
Even though restless, hearing raindrops at the pane,
The sighing of autumn leaves thrashed by the wind,
Longing to be free, outside, but it must stay
Posing in this place.
It must move
As little as possible.
This is what the portrait says.
But there is in that gaze a combination
I’ve been calling my sponsor almost every day since about 2 weeks after I decided to stop drinking. I’ve been doing the work that I’ve been directed to do. I can be stubborn, but overall I’ve been willing to do the work and show up. And change has come. Buying my first house, dating someone new, I’m generally happier, and my relationships with friends, coworkers, and family are better.
Someone told me that the only constant is change. Change will always happen; sometimes my response to change is grief. When my mother died a few years ago and I was in deep grief, a friend simply remarked, “You know, Margo, this grief is your choice. You can feel whatever you choose.” Well, I wanted to do her great bodily harm and the truth was she was right. So, at times I could choose to celebrate my mom and all the wonderful things she gave me and taught me. I danced twice that week after she died. I danced to celebrate my mother.
I sooo agree. If people don’t get too close they cant hurt you. Plus, I really don’t want to hurt other people and I tend to be “proactive” and strike first, when I get a wiff of the relationship ending. And that usually makes sure it ends with a quickness.
I am going to start praying for willingness to be more present and not always acting on what might be.
Grief, anxiety, the old familiar friends… big reason i have never allowed anyone to get close to me.. just the ones who use and hurt me… awareness is a big step in getting off that painful treadmill. to lead a better life for myself and others, change is very difficult. grief is in letting go, never been able to let go… i think i can if i continue in the steps…