BEWARE cuz Honesty can be “the CRUELEST GAME OF ALL” – Step 10

A man giving bad news to his despondent friend w/ sfz title

“Honesty is
the cruelest game
of all, because not
only can you hurt some-
one – and hurt them to the
bone – you can feel self-
righteous about it at
the same time.”

– Dave Van Ronk (1936 – 2002) U.S.
folk musician

 ~~~

How have you corrected your own self-righteousness lately?

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OR

Have you ever said something mean about a friend just to feel “cool”?

~~~

Tha Truth – Dizzy Wright (5:53)

Rumors – Timex Social Club (2:56)

Native American Flute ala River Bank Hz Meditation LP (29:59)

Analysis: The Mirror of Righteousness

The post dissects “righteousness gone wrong.” Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions calls gossip a “polite form of murder.” We often use words to elevate ourselves. This action satisfies a dark part of the ego. We proclaim our goodness while tearing others down.

Dave Van Ronk calls honesty a cruel game. We hurt others while feeling morally superior. This behavior often stems from false pride. C.S. Lewis warned that self-righteousness is a “spiritual cancer” (Lewis, 1952, p. 94). A person can feel closer to their Great Mystery while being unkind. Wellbriety teachings offer a solution to this mental trap. “We must look into the mirror of our own souls” (White Bison, 2002, p. 112). Real honesty requires kindness and self-reflection.

References

Lewis, C. S. (1952). Mere Christianity. Macmillan.

White Bison. (2002). The Red Road to Wellbriety. White Bison, Inc.

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Traducción al Español

Citas, Títulos y Referencias

TEN CUIDADO porque la Honestidad puede ser “EL JUEGO MÁS CRUEL DE TODOS” – Paso 10

UNA MIRADA A LA RECTITUD QUE SALIÓ MAL –

“El chisme cargado de ira, una forma cortés de asesinato mediante el asesinato del carácter, también tiene su satisfacción para nosotros. Aquí no estamos tratando de ayudar a quienes criticamos; estamos tratando de proclamar nuestra propia rectitud.” (12 y 12, p. 67)

OH NO, ELLA NO HIZO ESO –

“…podemos encontrarnos estremeciéndonos cuando escuchamos a otros chismorrear sobre alguien. Tras tal ocurrencia, es probable que seamos moralistas, hasta que nos sorprendemos haciendo exactamente lo mismo.” (Funciona: cómo y por qué, pp. 71-72)

LA HONESTIDAD ES EL JUEGO MÁS CRUEL –

“La honestidad es el juego más cruel de todos, porque no solo puedes lastimar a alguien, y lastimarlo hasta los huesos, sino que puedes sentirte moralista al mismo tiempo.”

– Dave Van Ronk (1936 – 2002), músico folk estadounidense


Análisis

El análisis disecciona la “rectitud que salió mal”. Doce Pasos y Doce Tradiciones califica el chisme como una “forma cortés de asesinato”. A menudo usamos las palabras para elevarnos a nosotros mismos. Esta acción satisface una parte oscura del ego. Proclamamos nuestra bondad mientras destruimos a los demás.

Dave Van Ronk llama a la honestidad un juego cruel. Lastimamos a otros mientras nos sentimos moralmente superiores. Este comportamiento a menudo surge del falso orgullo. C.S. Lewis advirtió que la superioridad moral es un “cáncer espiritual” (Lewis, 1952, p. 94). Una persona puede sentirse más cerca de su Gran Misterio mientras es cruel. Las enseñanzas de Wellbriety ofrecen una solución a esta trampa mental. “Debemos mirarnos en el espejo de nuestras propias almas” (White Bison, 2002, p. 112). La verdadera honestidad requiere amabilidad y autorreflexión.


Pregunta Concluyente

¿Alguna vez has dicho algo malo de un amigo solo para sentirte “genial”?

Zonr logo on being honest

Comments

10 responses to “BEWARE cuz Honesty can be “the CRUELEST GAME OF ALL” – Step 10”

  1. eli Avatar
    eli

    Often, I’ll feel self-righteous about people I need to make amends to. What they’ve done does not cancel out how I’ve acted. There are some cases where the trauma is sharp, where I can honestly say something atrocious happened. In those cases, I might write amends and not talk to that person. I’ll talk to my therapist and figure out if my guilt is accurately placed.

  2. Ari L Avatar
    Ari L

    I don’t need to be right in a situation, and also don’t need to correct others behaviors based on what I think is right. I’ve checked myself by opening up to the world of difference between me and other people recently. Really upon a friend trying to resolve a conflict in a way I thought was poor form, but it’s not for me to say. When I took a step back and saw their perspective I relaxed a lot and realized I was projecting.

  3. Mink Avatar
    Mink

    When I was younger I would put people down a lot to seem cool, including my friends. I did it because I had very low self confidence and it was a way to get approval from others. I had to learn to accept myself in order to begin treating others kindly.

  4. acutelyobtuse Avatar
    acutelyobtuse

    How have you corrected your own self-righteousness lately?

    I have focused my energy less on criticism of others and more on using my observations of others to be useful to them in their growth; using what I have learned through my own failures to provide them with growth opportunities that they may choose to use.
    This has been very successful with one particular friend struggling with self-empowerment.

  5. E-Dawg Avatar
    E-Dawg

    Practicing humility by owning up to my own mistakes. Not judging others and having to be right all the time. Practicing kindness and Forgiveness towards myself and others

  6. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    Stress is when the mind says no and the mouth says yes. Being aware and mindful of that road from mind to mouth is the best guard against self-righteous talk. Starting with myself, I recognize my own imperfections and being kind with how I choose to communicate with others is a powerful mirror to remind me how would I feel if this was said to me. It has stopped many words and made me swallow hard before saying something that could hurt, cut or injure another.

    Thank you for sharing recovery with me. Grateful.

  7. RaThaGod♾️ Avatar
    RaThaGod♾️

    By knowing that I’m not righteous at all. It’s an illusion. Right and wrong are but degrees of measurement on the same scale. Overlooking this is denying the duality of our existence and our capacity. It’s a lie to ourselves that our capacity for righteousness is absolute. To realize this causes you to question yourself and everything else like, “Who tha fuck are we to even think we can judge it?” Stealing might not be bad to the person who has to do it whether out of survival or greed. Giving to the less fortunate isn’t bad until one becomes a victim of misfortune and poverty. Good deeds can be punished and bad deeds can even be championed when balance isn’t considered. So the question shouldn’t be how do we check self-righteousness, the question should be are we aligned.

  8. easy does it Avatar
    easy does it

    FEATURED POST FROM THE ZONR VAULT – “it is sooooo tempting to take another persons inventory isnt it. it appears at first to seem cool, but the aftermath can really suck!” (Orig. post 1/27/2012)

  9. Jim Brown Avatar
    Jim Brown

    When Ia m having a particularly difficult time confronting my own mistakes and shortcomings.

  10. Slim Jim Avatar
    Slim Jim

    Taking some else’ inventory is exactly how we say it in recovery. And no matter how nicely you try and do it, it never feels actually loving at all.

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