THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL CAN TAKE MANY FORMS – “When we tried to control ourselves, we wound up demoralized. Even when we succeeded, it wasn’t enough to make us happy. We hid from our pain by eating … .” (Overeaters Anon., p. 5)
“Many anorexics project a world of being under control.” “For Shannon it was about hiding her terror of sex; for Ben it was about anesthetizing his pain and fear.” Carnes, Patrick J. (2009). Sexual Anorexia, p. 38
When have you last felt, like Lincoln, “driven” to your knees to pray?
Living in a Ghost Town – Rolling Stones (3:49)
Got To Be There – Micheal Jackson (4:44)
It Gets Better – The Trevor Project (2:50)
One World, One Prayer Meditation (11:15)
A SIMPLE POEM
by Emanuel Xavier
I want you to continue writing
because I will not always be around
With lips that will never touch mine
read your poems out loud
so that the words are left engraved
on the wall
make me feel your voice rush through me
like a breeze from Oyá
I want to hear about Puerto Rico
about sisters with names like La Bruja
about educating youth about AIDS
I want to hear about life
in the Boogie Down Bronx
surviving on the Down Low
don’t leave out stories about men
you have loved and still love
I want you to write poems that you
will never read
press hard on the paper
so that the ink runs deep
hold the pen tight
so that you control the details
prove to me that I inspire you
reveal yourself between the lines
hear my praise
with each flicker of the candle
Write a poem for me
Do not choose a fresh page
from a brand new journal
use paper that has been crumbled and tossed
thrown out by a spineless father
only to be recycled
Save a tree for future poets to write under
Rewrite me into someone more attractive
stronger than life has made me
make me tough and sexy,
aggressive like a tiger
stain the pages with cum,
lube, the arousal you find
at the sight of naked boys, draw me sketches
bring the words to life with images
make me a man with this poem
~
Read it in front of the audience
with hidden messages just for me
be real and tell me why
I am only worth a haiku
Your epics are meant for others
I already know,
use red ink to match the blood
from these wounds
with brutal honesty
let me die with your last sentence
Then resurrect me with rhyme
read from your gut
let me hear the wisdom of mi abuelo
in your voice
let me find my father in you
remind me of all the men
that left me broken promises
In your eyes I want to see a poem
when you bring me to tears
with painful memories
buried beneath your thick skin
Between teeth gapped like divas,
I want to hear quotes from books
I never read
Make me believe you want to be a poet
Make my heart break,
tell me why you could never love me
with just a few words
leave me lost and insecure
feel the admiration of others
bask in their desire
forget that I am there
Pound your fists in the air with passion
go off about politics, poverty,
machismo and hate
scream poems that don’t give a fuck
about traditions, slamming or scores
save your whispers
for those who make love to you
Write a poem for me
that makes me want to puff a joint
A poem that loses control
unafraid to be vulnerable
for once just make me believe
it is all worth letting go
when the smoke clears
I will understand
the reason
I am just another face
in the crowd
I want you to continue writing
because I will not always be around
I have had a scare about help kare lately felt the need to pray and continue to feel that made. now the new meningitis scare for gay men has awoken new concerns despite knowing as safe as can be.
This past year I feel I have been able to deal with some situations that I never felt I would be able to deal with before. I have been able to deal with these situations only because I have employed the tools that I have always heard about in recovery before but was never able to practice. The program really works when you work it and thanks to this program I have been able to get through this year clean and sober and with a good deal of serenity.
Good morning everyone + Happy Sunday. Here is today’s thought. Keep balance in your life. Keep God in the center of your life. There will then be peace amid the distractions of everyday living. Blessings. BB
Prayer sounds like a pretty good idea now. Its reassuring to know that old Abe felt the need from time to time as well. Knees here I come.
Bondage of self…good point! its so easy to try to figure it all out and easy to get overwhelmed. thats usually the time some major using dreams happen. thanks for reminding me the place to be is on my knees… not in my head!
I often feel like the line from a movie: “Never give up! Never surrender.” I need Step One as I need water and air. I must surrender even as I hold on tightly to the thoughts and feelings that brought me to my knees. “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.” Even as I am overwhelmed at my job; even as I am overwhelmed from too many commitments; even as I despair that my life can become any better; “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy Will.” I ain’t in this alone.