The Key Reason Why Our Heroic Efforts Might Often Turn Sour – Step 2

Cartoon woman cradled in a flower, waters to the plant's pot beneath her.

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In what ways have you attempted to manipulate or control the actions of others lately?

May 21, 2025
Madison McAleese
“Sometimes, instead of listening to understand, I listen to judge or jump to conclusions. I want to be more present, listening with an open heart, seeking nothing but understanding.”

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OR

When do you find yourself trying to force someone to do what you want?

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The Way We Were – Beyonce (3:41)

Henry Miller on Non-striving (4:07)

Soaring Acceptance Guided Nature Meditation (8:56)

 

Analysis: The Mirror of Manipulation

Our heroic efforts to help others often mask a darker motive. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions exposes this hidden drive as pure control. We mistake manipulation for genuine love and concern. This behavior helps us avoid our own deep wounds. Eventually, our frantic meddling causes immense suffering. Life with Hope warns that people naturally revolt against our demands. Acute suffering fills our lives instead.

Author Henry Miller discovered peace only when he adopted a hands-off approach. True freedom requires total surrender of our desire to fix everyone. Epictetus taught that we must only control our own minds (Epictetus, 2004). We cannot govern the actions of outside forces. Similarly, Wellbriety principles emphasize the healing power of letting go. “We cannot change other people” (White Bison, 2002, p. 44). An intentional surrender connects us to a Higher Power. Peace enters our hearts when we finally practice radical acceptance.

References

Epictetus. (2004). The Enchiridion (T. Wentworth, Trans.). Dover Publications. (Original work published c. 125 AD).

White Bison. (2002). The Red Road to Wellbriety: In the Native American Way. White Bison, Inc.


Traducción al Español

Citas, Títulos y Referencias

EL MOTIVO CLAVE POR EL CUAL NUESTROS ESFUERZOS HEROICOS A MENUDO PUEDEN SALIR MAL – PASO 2

EN REALIDAD, ESTAMOS TRATANDO DE CONTROLARLOS –

“A menudo era muy difícil admitir que nuestra preocupación era el control, nuestra preocupación era la manipulación y nuestra ansiedad por los demás era una forma de evitar nuestras propias necesidades, deseos y ambiciones.” (12 y 12, p. 53)

APRENDER LA ACEPTACIÓN POR NECESIDAD –

“Cuando habitualmente intentamos manipular a los demás para adaptarlos a nuestros propios deseos obstinados, ellos se rebelan… Entonces desarrollamos sentimientos heridos, un sentimiento de persecución… A medida que redoblamos nuestros esfuerzos de control y seguimos fracasando, nuestro sufrimiento se vuelve agudo y constante.” (Vida con Esperanza, p. 27)

FRAGMENTO DE HENRY MILLER –

“Viviendo apartado y en paz conmigo mismo, llegué a darme cuenta más vívidamente del significado de la doctrina de la aceptación. Abstenerme de dar consejos, abstenerme de entrometerse en los asuntos de los demás… tan simple, pero tan difícil para un espíritu activo. ¡¡¡MANOS FUERA!!! “

Henry Miller (1891 – 1980), escritor estadounidense


Análisis

El análisis muestra cómo nuestros esfuerzos heroicos por ayudar a menudo ocultan un motivo más oscuro. Doce Pasos y Doce Tradiciones expone este impulso oculto como puro control. Confundimos la manipulación con el amor y la preocupación genuinos. Este comportamiento nos ayuda a evitar nuestras propias heridas profundas. Con el tiempo, nuestra frenética intromisión causa un inmenso sufrimiento. Vida con Esperanza advierte que las personas se rebelan naturalmente contra nuestras demandas. El sufrimiento agudo llena nuestras vidas en su lugar.

El autor Henry Miller descubrió la paz solo cuando adoptó un enfoque de no intervención. La verdadera libertad requiere la rendición total de nuestro deseo de arreglar a todos. Epicteto enseñó que solo debemos controlar nuestras propias mentes (Epicteto, 2004). No podemos gobernar las acciones de las fuerzas externas. Del mismo modo, los principios de Wellbriety enfatizan el poder sanador de dejar ir. “No podemos cambiar a otras personas” (White Bison, 2002, p. 44). Una rendición intencional nos conecta con un Poder Superior. La paz entra en nuestros corazones cuando finalmente practicamos la aceptación radical.


Pregunta Concluyente

¿Cuándo te encuentras intentando obligar a alguien a hacer lo que tú quieres?

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Comments

7 responses to “The Key Reason Why Our Heroic Efforts Might Often Turn Sour – Step 2”

  1. Mink Avatar
    Mink

    I sometimes get blinded by my desire for control, and lose sight of what’s actually best for the person. A lot of my sobriety has been learning to stop myself before I get to that point.

  2. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    This is a behavior that has changed and improved over this past year. It is something that I try to refrain from. I am at peace with not needing to be right.

    Thank you for sharing recovery with me. Grateful.

  3. Elexi W.S.A. Avatar

    I’m not manipulative, but can say with my co-dependence I have tried to control some situations all the way where my life feels like it’s at risk for harm right along with others. When I can be of help and coerce someone on a better path, like I’d like them to do for me too, I will, but sometimes I have to also learn to just let go.

  4. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    Anytime I use a persuasive argument, one could argue that it is a form of manipulation. Currently it is a behavior that I work to avoid. I consider free will to be a gift from my higher power and in such, it is my goal to create an environment where manipulation is not required. If you love something, set it free and if the love it real, it will naturally return, without the ugly side of manipulation.

  5. Madison McAleese Avatar
    Madison McAleese

    Sometimes, instead of listening to understand, I listen to judge or jump to conclusions. I want to be more present, listening with an open heart, seeking nothing but understanding.

  6. Br. Buddha Avatar
    Br. Buddha

    Good morning + Happy Tuesday everyone. Here is today’s thought. Believing that you are in the presence of the Holy Spirit (God) will bring you strength + peace. Blessings. BB

  7. Adam Avatar
    Adam

    I will think someone is trying to get in front of me while driving when it wasn’t their turn. So I will edge up further as a way of telling them to not even go there. I had someone wanting me to do something on the weekend that I didn’t want to do. I could tell they were going to ask, so I mentioned my previous plans before they could. At work I know how staff who do not report to me will behave in a certain circumstance, so I set it up so the outcome is how I want it to be. I have to look at each of these situations and make an ethical decision as to what is acceptable and why. I’m not so sure trying to influence other people’s behavior is always wrong. Everyone does do it to a certain level whether they admit it or not.

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