“Self-Will Run Riot”: ‘Demanding Others to Live as We want Them to Live’ – Step 3

Oscar Wilde portrait and quote w/ sfz title

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June 16, 2025

Eli

Focusing on trying to change how others live/what they do/how they think has led me to a lot of anger, frustration, exhaustion, and fear. …

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Is it easier for you to let people be themselves or to try to change them?

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Why is it harmful to try to make others live the way we want them to?

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Oscar Wilde on Trial – The love that dare not speak its name (3:25)

10 Tips to Building Good Self-Esteem (24:03) 

SELF LOVE While you Sleep (2:01:04)

Analysis: Breaking the Chains of Self-Will

Our own choices create most of our suffering. The Big Book identifies this pattern as “self-will run riot.” This selfishness acts like a poison. It kills our inner peace. We must discard this destructive habit to survive. A Higher Power offers true freedom instead.

Rigid expectations trap us in mental straightjackets. The Basic Text warns that selfishness clouds our logic. These chains bind us to old, harmful ways. Oscar Wilde correctly defined this behavior as manipulative. He viewed demanding compliance as a grave error. True living requires respecting the autonomy of others.

The Dalai Lama teaches that selfishness breeds unhappiness (Dalai Lama, 1999). We find joy only through concern for others. Wellbriety teachings support this path of release. “We surrender our will to the Creator” (White Bison, 2002, p. 134). This surrender dissolves our need for control. We breathe deeper in this vast, open space. Peace arrives when we stop directing every life around us.

References

Dalai Lama. (1999). Ethics for the New Millennium. Riverhead Books.

White Bison. (2002). The Red Road to Wellbriety. White Bison, Inc.

Traducción al Español

Citas, Títulos y Referencias

“VOLUNTAD PROPIA DESBOCADA”: ‘EXIGIR A LOS DEMÁS QUE VIVAN COMO NOSOTROS QUEREMOS QUE VIVAN’ – PASO 3

MALEFICIO DEL EGOÍSMO –

“Así que nuestros problemas, pensamos, son básicamente de nuestra propia creación. Surgen de nosotros mismos” “y un ejemplo extremo de VOLUNTAD PROPIA DESBOCADA, aunque él generalmente no lo cree así. Sobre todo, nosotros… debemos deshacernos de este egoísmo. Debemos hacerlo, o nos mata.” (El Libro Grande, p. 62)

LIBERÁNDONOS DE NUESTRAS CAMISAS DE FUERZA DE DISEÑADOR –

“Ahora, la indulgencia en estos defectos de carácter nubla nuestra capacidad de pensar lógicamente. El egoísmo se convierte en una cadena intolerable y destructiva que nos ata a nuestros malos hábitos.” (El Texto Básico, p. 34)

OSCAR WILDE –

“El egoísmo no es vivir como uno desea vivir, es pedir a los demás que vivan como uno desea vivir.”

Oscar Wilde (1854 – 1900)

Análisis

Nuestras propias decisiones crean la mayor parte de nuestro sufrimiento. El Libro Grande identifica este patrón como “voluntad propia desbocada”. Este egoísmo actúa como un veneno. Mata nuestra paz interior. Debemos descartar este hábito destructivo para sobrevivir. Un Poder Superior ofrece verdadera libertad a cambio.

Las expectativas rígidas nos atrapan en camisas de fuerza mentales. El Texto Básico advierte que el egoísmo nubla nuestra lógica. Estas cadenas nos atan a formas antiguas y dañinas. Oscar Wilde definió correctamente este comportamiento como manipulador. Consideraba que exigir conformidad era un error grave. Vivir de verdad requiere respetar la autonomía de los demás.

El Dalái Lama enseña que el egoísmo engendra infelicidad (Dalai Lama, 1999). Encontramos alegría solo a través de la preocupación por los demás. Las enseñanzas de Wellbriety apoyan este camino de liberación. “Rendimos nuestra voluntad al Creador” (White Bison, 2002, p. 134). Esta rendición disuelve nuestra necesidad de control. Respiramos más profundo en este espacio vasto y abierto. La paz llega cuando dejamos de dirigir la vida de todos a nuestro alrededor.

Pregunta Concluyente

¿Te resulta más fácil dejar que las personas sean ellas mismas o intentar cambiarlas?

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Comments

12 responses to ““Self-Will Run Riot”: ‘Demanding Others to Live as We want Them to Live’ – Step 3”

  1. E-Dawg Avatar
    E-Dawg

    I accept people as they are. i would not take on the role of trying to control someone…you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make em’ drink….

  2. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    I have no control over the actions of others. My job is to keep my side of the street clean.

    Thank you for sharing recovery with me. Grateful.

  3. Elexi W.S.A. Avatar

    When I think of some of the impulsivities I’ve made it’s usually also linked to another physical ailment, that induces a type of mental state that begins to run riot, and I really need to process right now that my own care can be comprised due to especially pleasures, or impulses. I’m trying to set up mental blocks right now as well as not let in those riotous thoughts that want to take me down.

  4. Eli???? Avatar
    Eli????

    Focusing on trying to change how other’s live/what they do/how they think has lead me to a lot of anger, frustration, exhaustion, and fear. I could try to teach to an audience that already has their own belief systems, sure. Or I can relate and share my experiences.
    Of course there are a lot of things I know nothing about. And I’m not always right, even when I’m sure of myself.
    I’m not always good at sharing experiences instead of giving advice. Consistency is not a gift of mine, and I get frustrated with people often anyway. But it’s better than trying to control other people.

  5. E-Dawg Avatar
    E-Dawg

    By focusing on my strengths and not my weaknesses. Not needing others approval. One thing for sure, like clockwork every time I turn it over to God things never end up in a self will turn riot… that recipe has not failed me yet

  6. Zen Avatar
    Zen

    When we attempt to control others, we make a mess of the situation. We must allow matters to occur as they are supposed to.

  7. Sabrina J Avatar
    Sabrina J

    Forcing someone to do something they do not want to do is wrong. We have free will, it is a gift from our Higher Power. To then force our will on on another moves us away from our Higher Power. It puts us in opposition to our Higher Power. Rather, when we include everyone, and invite each person in their fullness to participate, we are in alignment with divine purpose.

  8. WAYNE Avatar
    WAYNE

    self will for me is rooted in ego. each day i pray to remove my ego and self obsession so i can see where gods will is for me to follow. usually its obvious for me: anything outside of myself, service to others and my community.

  9. Simon Yebio Avatar
    Simon Yebio

    Time is the filter. If an issue comes up over and over and over and over. I decide to act with self love. I’ve done that very recently with a personal relationship

  10. Adam Avatar
    Adam

    Self-love for me is when I’m doing something that I know is healthy for me, spiritually, mentally, or physically. Sometimes my self-will has taken control and I’m doing something to satisfy my ego, such as buying a $100 shirt, trying to manipulate, or otherwise, acquire something to satisfy my immediate wants. This is sometimes at the sacrifice of my own long term health and happiness. I guess I end up often having to ask myself what is my motivation when a situation doesn’t feel 100% like the right thing to do. I still don’t always make the best decisions, but I do more often as time goes on.

  11. easy does it Avatar
    easy does it

    When i dont do things with a prayerful attitude thats when self will comes in. Which usually doesnt end with hugs and puppies.

    1. JB jr. Avatar
      JB jr.

      LOL. Tooo true. No hugs and puppies when we throw our spiritual principles out the window.

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