“Holding on to anger, resentment, and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth.”
– Joan Lunden (1950 – ) U.S. television personality
Why is resentment the “number one offender” according to today’s SFZ and how has it shown up in your own life, lately?
“Everything went well until the day a dollar bill disappeared. One of the brothers had left the bill on the cash register and walked outside with a customer. When he returned, the money was gone.” See full story on resentment below.
Tranquility Sounds of the Nature Meditation LP (42:39)
THE CAUSE OF SPIRITUAL SICKNESS –
“Resentment is the
‘number one offender.’
It destroys more alcohol-
ics than anything else. From
it stem all forms of spiritual
disease, for we have been
not only mentally and phys-
ically ill, we have been
spiritually sick.” (The
Big Book, p. 64)
MAKING A LIST –
“We make a list
of our resentments,
for they often play a
large part in making our
recovery uncomfortable.
We cannot allow our-
selves to be obsess-
ed with hostility to-
ward others.” (It
Works, How &
Why, p. 30)
“Holding on
to anger, resent-
ment and hurt only
gives you tense mus-
cles, a headache and
a sore jaw from clench-
ing your teeth. Forgive-
ness gives you back
the laughter and
the lightness in
your life.”
– Joan Lunden (1950 – ) U.S. television personality
LETTING GO OF RESENTMENT
A story tells of a merchant in a small town who had identical twin sons. The boys worked for their father in the department store he owned and, when he died, they took over the store.
Everything went well until the day a dollar bill disappeared. One of the brothers had left the bill on the cash register and walked outside with a customer. When he returned, the money was gone.
He asked his brother, “Did you see that dollar bill on the cash register?”
His brother replied that he had not.
But the young man kept probing and questioning. He would not let it alone. “Dollar bills just don’t get up and walk away! Surely you must have seen it!”
There was a subtle accusation in his voice. Tempers began to rise. Resentment set in. Before long, a deep and bitter chasm divided the young men. They refused to speak.
They finally decided they could no longer work together and a dividing wall was built down the center of the store. For twenty years hostility and bitterness grew, spreading to their families and to the community.
Then one day a man, in an automobile licensed in another state, stopped in front of the store. He walked in and asked the clerk, “How long have you been here?”
The clerk replied that he’d been there all his life.
The customer said, “I must share something with you. Twenty years ago I was riding the rails and came into this town in a boxcar. I hadn’t eaten for three days. Then I came into this store from the back door and saw a dollar bill on the cash register. I put it in my pocket and walked out. All these years I haven’t been able to forget that. I know it wasn’t much money, but I had to come back and ask your forgiveness.”
The stranger was amazed to see tears well up in the eyes of this middle-aged man. “Would you please go next door and tell that same story to the man in the store?” he said.
Then the man was even more amazed to see two middle-aged men, who looked very much alike, embracing each other and weeping together in the front of the store.
After twenty years, the brokenness was mended. The wall of resentment that divided them came down.
It is so often the little things that finally divide people – words spoken in haste; criticisms; accusations; resentments. And once divided, they may never come together again.
–
The solution, of course, is to let it go. There is really nothing particularly profound about learning to let go of little resentments. But for fulfilling and lasting relationships, letting them go is a must. Refuse to carry around bitterness and you may be surprised at how much energy you have left for building bonds with those you love.
(https://motivateus.com/stories/letting.htm)
Having just completed a 5th step in this sobriety I think politics is it on top of my list. The key factor to my peace today is having let go and acceptance.
Thank you for your wisdom, Jon G. Oh No! More stuff to think about. My brand of justice is probably not the same as another person’s so I find myself saying that old prayer: “Not my will but thine be done.” I hope to keep enough prayer and gratitude around me to recognize resentments – either that or I can just ask my daughter-in-law…Just kidding, Caro! Stay blessed and beautiful!
Good morning everyone + happy Friday. Here is today’s thought. Sometimes I fail; sometimes I get resentful; sometimes I just loose it. But when this happens, I find a quiet place + ask God to help me. It’s so good to know that I can ALWAYS go back to God. So can you. Blessings. B
This topic is particularly appropriate in my life right now because I am working on my fourth step and one resentment in particular is giving me a lot of gried and holding me back. Before I never realized how resentful I was or how much my resentments were holding me back. I did not pay head to the warning that resentments were the number one offender or that they killed more alcoholics then anything else–I thought alcohol killed more alcoholics then anything else. I now take resentments very seriously and am doing everything in my power to rid myself of them. I also now realized that forgiveness is huge and more importantly it is I who benefit when I forgive someone rather than the person I am forgiving. That being said, it can be a long journey from the head to the heart and I have a lot of room to grow in this area.
An old friend strung out on meth told me to f*** off when I told him not to contact me any more. He doesn’t remember the $2000 I lent him to try to save his home. I am trying to forgive him. It isn’t the money itself but that he doesn’t even remember, and that he said that to me. And that he forced me to have to cut ties with him. I have to keep reminding myself that it is his addiction that did this and pray for him as Margot said she does.
Its harder for me to hold resentments when I see everyone as “childs of God”. As children we are bound to be imperfect. And yet there is still something precious and infinitely valuable each of brings to the world.
I consider myself a person who craves justice. But the key questions have become: justice for whom and justice at what cost? Thank God I am learning to pray for those against whom I nurture a grudge – a resentment. It is a miracle how soon a resentment can go away once I start praying for so much good stuff for others.
Be careful about praying for justice. I always listed “just” as a trait I wanted my higher power to have when my sponsor suggested I make a list of all the traits I want my God to have. I now realize that I pray I don’t end up getting what I deserve and I now pray for grace not justice.