“All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals– usually brief–were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.” “Over any considerable period, we get worse, never better.” (The Big Book, p. 30)
Today’s
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.” – Carl Jung (1875 – 1961) Swiss psychologist & early proponent of spiritual work in recovery
What “incomprehensible demoralization” have you experienced, lately?
Shake the Disease – Depeche Mode (rare promo version)
Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode speaks on his “Demoralizations” before Sobriety (9:51)
Carl Jung on his role in AA’s beginnings (4:30)
Will Smith Apologizes to Chris Rock for the 2022 Oscar Slap (1:18)
DEATH BY HUMILIATION
Left and right you hear people mumble your name.
That feeling like everyone is staring at you.
You know what happened is totally out of your hands, but still, you feel guilty,
Embarrassed, and ashamed.
You do not dare look up at their malicious eyes, aimed to kill.
Then silence, like a sharp blade cutting at your heart,
Feeling so fragile and helpless, you hide behind your shadow.
So stricken with grief, doomed by your down fall, your stupid and misguided mistake.
A single rebel tear rolls down your face, then a revolution of them come cascading down.
Then crying a muffled cry, he walks over, locks perfect in all,
He, slowly taking his time, comes towards your direction.
He sits across and grabs your hands, and tries to comfort you.
His face charming, looks dashing, and voice compelling,
You cannot help but fall under his spell.
A spell, that what it is.
He is dating that whore that sent you down this dark path.
She turns her head – she sees the wretched bitch laughing wide.
She grabs her things and heads for the one place where they cannot get her.
Holding back her rebels from the final siege;
She rushes into the girl’s lavatory, sealing the door behind herself, and quickly darts to a stall.
Feeling sick to her stomach, she brings her head to the rim of the toilet, seat up.
Feeling a river of pain flood her mouth, with that came her light lunch.
Opening her mouth shattering the dam, and out flowed the river of acid.
Light headed from mount emotions erupting, she passed out dropping her head in the toilet.
Still breathing the flood in to her lungs, it filled with fluid and acid, destroying her tissue.
…
She wakes up with a burning sensation in her chest,
Coughing up vomit and toilet water,
wiping bits of French fries from her face.
She makes it to the sink and looks at herself, vomit drenched hair, face and chest burning like hell’s inferno.
Breathing stifled, heart dissatisfied,
Now spitting blood, coughing uncontrollably,
She collapses.
Slowly fading from existence,
Closing her eyes accepting her fate.
A slow and silent death, in the school bathroom
Death by Humiliation …
https://powerpoetry.org/poems/death-humiliation
Being called out my name by someone who I know and thought was a friend while lost in their addiction has given me the strength to keep pushing one more day
The great news is that today I no longer suffer incomprehensible demoralization. I make mistakes but I do not beat myself up any more over them. For instance, the other day I was sitting on someone else’s motorcycle and I disengaged the kickstand. When I went to set it down I forgot the stand and the bike fell over and knocked over the bike next to it. The owner of the bikes was “pissed” but I just apologized and admitted it was a stupid thing for me to do. Fortunately, he was not upset but had he been then I would have reminded him that I am human and we all make mistakes.
Good morning everyone + Happy Thursday. Here is today’s thought. When you see the weaknesses of another alcoholic, do not confront them. Share your own weaknesses, sins, + temptations + help others find their own way. Serve as a channel for God’s power to come into the lives of others. Blessings. BB
Driving drunk and knowing it was going against what I believed in. Associating with people and going to places I otherwise wouldn’t. Throwing up drunk way too often. Saying things I later regretted. Not going after what I wanted and then feeling like a loser.
I know the feeling. The list gets longer and longer and longer. Having my freedom taken away for even a minute has made an indelible imprint on my psyche and the gratitude I feel today for no longer being enslaved to addictions.
The possible loss of my freedom is far to clear for me now. The law is most certainly a power greater than myself.
demoralization? hmm the lengths i went thru to get that drug, not to mention other consequences help to keep me on the straight and narrow as it were..